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7:21 p.m. - November 20, 2002 You judge. I was cleaning out my fishtank, and the doorbell rang. Thinking that maybe my brother was at the door, I answered it. On the doorstep was a small boy, perhaps seven years old. He held out a box of Boy Scout Popcorn (only the best kind) and said, "Do you want to buy some popcorn?" I swear, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts send around cute little kids to sell food for their tills, and we feel so guilty turning away adorable critters, as can be seen by the number of people who adopt homeless strays. But I digress. Ten dollars, he told me, was the price of a box of popcorn kernels. "Okay," I said, feeling the pangs of guilt in my chest, "let me see if I have ten dollars." I knew I had four dollars in my wallet, and my brother usually has loose dollar bills lying around our bathroom. Well, he only had three dollars. Everytime I ran by the foyer, I heard the little kid whistling to himself out in the cold. More guilt. Sighing, I opened the door again and asked if he would take a check. He looked at me with this sort of slight panicky "oh-my-gosh-I-have-no-clue" look on his face. Trying to be as nice as possible, the Boy Scout queried, "Is your husband at home?" Ouch. But I didn't want to embarass him further. So I simply said, "No." Meanwhile, I was screaming inwardly: "A HUSBAND? A HUSBAND? Am I that old?" After a while I had to remind myself that when I was six, I thought anyone over the age of 13 was "old." I mean... But if I am old enough to have a husband--and at the age of 23, I certainly am--I don't want one right now. This is just too weird for me. I used to have this plan when I was ten or something, and it looked something like, "Get a boyfriend by the time I'm 16" (never did that), "Go to college" (been there, done that), "Be a famous writer" (nope), and "get married when I'm 21" (yeah, right). But of course, if the right person came along, well...maybe I would be married. But more conceivably, I see myself throwing myself deeply into my career and career plans before I even start thinking about But I am not old. Right?
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