4:15 p.m. - September 21, 2003
frustrations and fears
I just have to rant. B had an audition today for principal horn...and he didn't make it past the first round. This makes me really mad because I think he deserves that position, and he didn't get it. Sometimes it's just not fair, I guess.

I just needed to get that off my chest. The other reason I wanted him to get that position is so that he'd still be in the area and have some security and financial stability, because the way the classical music world is--it's so unpredictable and uncertain; moreoever, jobs are incredibly hard to come by, especially with so many different orchestras folding because of financial difficulties. The other reason is much more selfish and more personal. He's a great person and I'm afraid I'll lose him if he finds a job out of state or farther away from this region. (ie, I'd be okay if he found a job in Erie--and I hope he does, since he was principal for an ensemble there a few weeks ago).

But I guess he'll find the job he's meant for someday. I just wish that he was meant to have the Akron Symphony principal horn position. His next audition is in Rochester, which I'm torn about--in a way, I want him to get it because it's something that would give him so much financial stability and security, and yet at the same time, it's just so far from me. We'll see what happens.

Now I have to get back to studying. I've two exams this week.

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