11:04 p.m. - August 25, 2002
Jitters
I am getting nervous. The last time I remember getting first-day school jitters is the night before I went to college. I was up till 4 AM that time, and my mom had to drag me from the computer and make me sleep. That time, I was worried I'd get a nightmarish roommate.

Now, I worry about being able to get through grad school. Am I going to be able to make the grade? Am I even going to like it? Can I afford my textbooks? Will I be able to get a parking pass? How about a student ID? Will I get the scholarship? Will I be able to get special services? There seems to be a definite lack of communication from the University. Makes me wish for the so-very-friendly atmosphere of a small college. Like the one I went to. These are my worries. Compared to now, my pre-college jitters seem laughable.

Watching suspenseful movies and shows does help to alleviate my fears. Of course, when I turn off the TV, my stomach feels nervous and my teeth hurt. (That's one of the signs of fear; my teeth--my front teeth--start to hurt. I don't even have my teeth touching each other. So I know my teeth have nerves.) I haven't gotten clammy hands yet, but I think those will come tomorrow.

So I am trying to stay positive and think about my reward for tomorrow: meeting an old friend tomorrow at 8 PM. I haven't seen him for six years. Honestly, I'm also a little bit scared of this prospect; I mean, I haven't seen him for six years! And so a new set of worries will begin: will he like me enough to even want to keep in touch with me, or vice versa? I honestly hope so, because he's really a very nice guy with a weird sense of humor that I can appreciate. And he likes to read. And write. Yeah.

I hate back-to-school and back-to-old-friendship jitters. Does life really have to be that complicated, though? Seems like last year was easy compared to this. (I didn't have jitters about going to Germany, in case you were wondering).

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